would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
