2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
