And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
