They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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