someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
