you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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