Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
