what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
