It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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