I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
