So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
