There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
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I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
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I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.