I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Dating After Heartbreak
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie