His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I am one with the molecules
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.