lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.