every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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