the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
pray to the hookup gods
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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