do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
