Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
