hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
