I want to have your abortion
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
