Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
