is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
