There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Found the puke drawer
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
