you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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