she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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