Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
