Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
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