i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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