Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
