i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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