im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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