Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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