dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
