i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
