Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
