Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
