I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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