My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
