Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
