We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
