Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
