we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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