After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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