he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
