Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
