What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
