I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
