You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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