Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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