remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
