OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
