This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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