ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
