Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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