I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
