I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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