if you like me you must not know who I am
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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