Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
