i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I wish I only lived at night.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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