oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
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Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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