I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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