i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
