last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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