I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
