I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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