Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
