There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i now understand why vodka
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
