My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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