but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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